Paths to healing Former NHL star Fleury wants to sit down with notorious sexual predator ex-coach By: Mike McIntyre Posted: 7:00 PM CDT Wednesday, Jul. 4, 2018

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Former NHL superstar Theoren Fleury wants a face-to-face meeting with the man who made his life a living hell for more than three decades.

He says speaking to former hockey coach and convicted sex offender Graham James about the abuse that began when he was just 13 is the next step in the healing process he began in 2009 with the publication of his autobiography, Playing With Fire.

“The biggest thing that we have never been taught is compassion. We’ve only been taught to react with anger and rage and all that stuff. How’s that working for the world? It’s not,” Fleury, who grew up in Russell, told the Free Press Wednesday.

“People are flabbergasted that you could get to that point of forgiveness in your life. That’s why my life is so f—–g amazing, because I’ve gotten there. Nothing has a hold of me anymore. Nothing. That slate is clean.”

James repeatedly preyed on several of the teenagers he coached in junior hockey over a period of years in the 1980s and ’90s.

“We have enough anger on the planet,” Fleury, 50, said of his current approach, which he admits has taken many difficult years to arrive at. His struggle with addiction and other personal demons during his pro hockey career is well-documented.

“It’s about the bigger picture. Always. It’s about showing people that no matter what we’ve been through in life, that we can somehow figure it out and move on. The greatest revenge is peace, happiness, love, kindness compassion, humility, vulnerability — all that stuff. That’s where we’ve got to get to.”

“It’s about showing people that no matter what we’ve been through in life, that we can somehow figure it out and move on. The greatest revenge is peace, happiness, love, kindness compassion, humility, vulnerability– all that stuff.” – Theo Fleury

Fleury is currently working with a New York-based production company on a documentary about his personal journey, and they have reached out to the National Parole Board regarding a future meeting with James that would be captured on film.

And while nothing has been confirmed, it’s worth noting the board recently altered James’ parole conditions to allow him to speak with his victims, provided the meeting is facilitated through the Correctional Service of Canada’s Restorative Opportunities Program.

James, 64, was first sentenced in 1997 to 3-1/2 years in prison for sexually assaulting three former Swift Current Broncos players between 1984 and 1995. One of them was Brandon-born former NHL player Sheldon Kennedy.

James was re-arrested in 2010 and charged with several additional sexual assaults that occurred during the same time period as his previous convictions. He pleaded guilty in 2011 to molesting two other players — Fleury and Todd Holt who, as Kennedy had, pushed for their names to be made public after they came forward years after the initial conviction.

James was initially sentenced to an additional two years behind bars, but the time was later raised to five years after an appeal by the Crown.

He was sentenced to two more years in 2015 after another victim stepped forward. James was released on parole in 2016 and is believed to be living in Montreal. He has been deemed a low risk to reoffend, but remains under stringent conditions until his sentence expires next year.

“The elephant in the room, so to speak, is the concept of forgiveness,” Fleury said from his Calgary home. “Recovering from trauma, you have to get to forgiveness. Not of your perpetrator, not of the people that hurt you, but self-forgiveness.

“I’ve forgiven myself. That’s it. Whether I forgive Graham James or not is not important. The fact I wake up every day and am not triggered, I can sleep at night, there’s a number of factors. To me, forgiveness is a feeling, it’s not an action.”

Not interested in meeting: Sheldon Kennedy

Kennedy said Wednesday he has no interest in hearing anything James has to say.

“Everybody’s therapy is different, Theo’s is different than mine,” Kennedy said. “I have no desire to meet Graham James at all. That doesn’t mean I haven’t done my work to eliminate the power Graham had in my life for years. Everybody’s different. If that’s the path Theo feels he needs to go down, then that’s what he needs to do.”

Kennedy expressed doubts James would have anything of value to offer if he agreed to the meeting.

“He’s a master manipulator. He was asked in all of his cases if there are other victims, and every time he said no. And we know there are,” said Kennedy, whose sole focus is on the Sheldon Kennedy Child Advocacy Centre in Calgary and the work the centre is doing with sex abuse victims.

“For 20-something years, he hasn’t been truthful. So all of a sudden he’s going to be truthful? I just feel, in my opinion, I personally wouldn’t trust Graham enough or waste my time and energy on Graham James,” said Kennedy.

“I want to put my energy in turning kids’ lives around.”

“I am loath to give Graham a partial platform, a voice or anything that somehow empowers or emboldens Graham into believing anything he has to say is of value.”–Greg Gilhooly

Former Winnipegger Greg Gilhooly is still coping with the fact James pleaded guilty to molesting several of the players he was accused of abusing — but not him. The Crown ultimately stayed the charges relating to Gilhooly’s claims in 2011 as part of a plea bargain struck with James to avoid a trial.

“I know he’s not better, he is not rehabilitated, he is not worthy of our respect, he is not worthy of anyone believing a word he has to say,” said Gilhooly, whose book I Am Nobody: Confronting the Sexually Abusive Coach Who Stole My Life was published earlier this year.

Gilhooly said he understands why Fleury is taking a different approach.

“Theo’s gotta do what Theo thinks is best for him. Everything that he does comes from a good place. I support him in what he does. And what he’s doing he clearly thinks is important in terms of conveying a message of forgiveness, the need to forgive and how that’s empowering him as a survivor,” Gilhooly said.

“I guess what I would say is he’s a far better human being than I am, because I’m not in a position where I can forgive Graham quite yet.

“My own personal view is I am loath to give Graham a partial platform, a voice or anything that somehow empowers or emboldens Graham into believing anything he has to say is of value.”

Opportunity to improve trauma treatment

Fleury said he’s driven by the fact traditional methods of coping with trauma don’t seem to be working.

“It’s just the fact that there’s so much awareness around mental health, but nobody’s getting well. Big pharma owns mental health. I believe that’s the reason people aren’t getting well. They’re not getting to the core of why they struggled with depression and mental illness and all these things,” he said.

“Really, at the core of all of this is trauma. Until you deal with the trauma, you’re probably going to continue to struggle.”

“I’m doing it to educate people. We get to talk to a real, live pedophile. They get to ask him a whole bunch of questions. What do they look for? How do they groom kids? It’s a great opportunity to educate the masses.”–Theo Fleury

He said he agrees with Kennedy’s take about proceeding with caution, given James’ history.

“I have no clue where (James is) at in his own personal healing journey, or if he’s even on one,” he said.

But if James is willing to sit down with him, Fleury thinks it will be productive.

“I think it would be a great example of forgiveness, education, the process, all of that stuff, if we did get the opportunity to sit down with him,” said Fleury.

“I’m not doing it for me, either. I’m doing it to educate people. We get to talk to a real, live pedophile. They get to ask him a whole bunch of questions. What do they look for? How do they groom kids? It’s a great opportunity to educate the masses.”

Fleury said he would invite media outlets to be part of the meeting to ensure full transparency and maximize the message he hopes would come from it.

“You absolutely have to, at some point in your life, put a voice to your pain and suffering. Verbalize it, have it witnessed. That is essential in this whole thing,” he said.

“We’re just coping, that’s all it is. It’s essential in the process of dealing with our emotional pain and suffering. We want everybody in this meeting, if it happens, for nobody to feel shame. We’re thinking about the greater good here. It’s always about the greater good.

“All I know is I have peace and serenity in my life. And that was the goal at the very beginning.”

mike.mcintyre@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @mikemcintyrewpg

Mike McIntyre
Sports columnist

Mike McIntyre grew up wanting to be a professional wrestler. But when that dream fizzled, he put all his brawn into becoming a professional writer.

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