Great football… but TripAdvisor wouldn’t like the rest of it

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/06/2015 (3491 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

So now I know what it feels like to be a local when the Jets play in Miami or Phoenix.

Being surrounded by American soccer fanatics wasn’t like being in Rogers Centre for a Yankees’ game — I didn’t hear any homophobia or putting down of Canada, the F-bombs were all directed at the referee, the spectators didn’t hassle the Aussies, and I never felt as though it could get physical in the stands.

But being in the middle of all that, I felt for the referee, who I thought was doing a terrific job keeping the match under control, and who was standing up to Abby Wambach’s intimidation routine just fine.

The girls in our row were going apopleptic every time the ref called the Americans on their thuggery, their disbelief turning to high-volume %$*((&%$ and (&*&$%#@, screaming at the injustice of a world in which Americans could be held to account for their actions.

Harumph.

The football was fabulous, and I’m so glad we have tickets for the rest of the matches here.

But, Sepp, seriously, 12 bucks for a program that doesn’t — repeat, DOES NOT — list the players’ number?

Sorry, $12 Canadian, $10 if you have American money. That was a tacky little touch. And that’s if you could find a program. I never saw any before the first match started, people behind us said they were already sold out, between matches I found two guys selling them on a little push cart.

I bought two Diet Cokes before the first match started, and the kid who sold them to me told me he had to keep the little plastic tops, it was a FIFA rule, I had to take them to our seats open. A FIFA rule? What in the world did Sepp think I was going to do with a tiny plastic bottle top? And then why did everyone else in our row still have their bottle tops?

I won’t get into the ATMs that didn’t work — I hope those people who did transactions only to have no money come out, eventually got their cash.

The concourses may not be Sepp’s fault, but given the litigious nature of everyone involved in the stadium construction and design in Manitoba, it’s probably safer to blame him. How can it be so impossible to move anywhere in such large concourses? The unbelievably long lines for popular vendors must be good for business, but could someone not come up with a way to identify which line is for which vendor, and then marshall those lines away from theoreticallY moving foot traffic and somehow avoid creating barriers to people desperate to get to the washroom?

And in the middle of this massive pedestrian jam comes a staffer ordering everyone to make a hole, some costumed mascot right behind her urgently had an appointment elsewhere and needed to get through. I am not making this up. On the other hand, if Mike O’Shea wants a running game this year, he might give her a call.

We finally arbitrarily decided we’d get our dinner at the vendor closest to our seats, we’d take our chances on what it was selling, and lined up. Fortuitously, it turned out to be a Sal’s, and again fortuitously, it had stuff we were happy to eat, fortuitous because menus can’t be read until you’re pretty much up to the counter.

I know I’ve said umpteen times that I obviously never had a hope of going into marketing and management. Nevertheless, maybe marketers and managers could explain why you have half a dozen lineups for people getting burgers and hot dogs and fries, and then there’s one tiny little condiments table, at which two people at most at a time can set down their drinks and stuff and reach over each other to put on their condiments while people line up behind them and the food starts getting cold and the drinks get warm?

Harumph.

But the football was marvellous, and I’m so looking forward to the next five matches. Sepp, should you be in a back room cutting deals, if you want to move the men’s matches in Russia and Qatar to Canada, I promose I’ll buy tickets. And when does Canada host the women again?

And no, I won’t tell you where I parked. It was free, you have to be in shape to get there, and I know I was home before some other spectators on my street who’d parked on campus.