Boy’s death puts focus on domestic violence

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This article was published 08/11/2019 (1827 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The tragic death of Hunter Haze Straight-Smith, the three-year-old boy allegedly killed by his mother’s former boyfriend, has put attention once again on the terrible issue of domestic violence.

While saddened by his death, some people can be tempted to think it isn’t their problem. 

“Some churches are reluctant to admit it happens to Christians, too,” said Jaymie Friesen, abuse response and prevention co-ordinator for Mennonite Central Committee Manitoba, adding churches “have historically not been great at talking about it.”

The committee and the Salvation Army are sponsoring Pastoral Care and Domestic Abuse, a one-day workshop to help clergy and other spiritual-care providers address the issue. 

The cost of the workshop, which will take place at Canadian Mennonite University from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Nov. 21, is $35. The registration deadline is Thursday.

The goal of the event is to offer insight and resources for providing practical and spiritual care in situations of intimate-partner abuse, Friesen said.

Topics to be addressed include shattering the holy hush: domestic violence and Christianity, forms and dynamics of intimate-partner abuse, assisting men who use violence and a panel conversation about the theological and spiritual considerations related to domestic violence.

For some churches, addressing domestic violence can be a challenge, Friesen said.

In some cases, it’s because “theology is misapplied to make (the abuse) worse” — such as a belief that women need to submit to their husbands, no matter how they are treated. 

There’s also the way some Christians understand the importance of forgiveness, urging a victim of abuse to forgive the abuser.

“This might not be appropriate or safe to do, and can lead to a person staying in an unsafe situation,” Friesen said. 

Some other churches place a high value on not getting divorced, which can be a problem when leaving an abusive relationship is the best solution for the victim.

Other times, it’s the way some victims have been taught by churches to view their abuse as a burden they have to “carry for the glory of God,” or that their experience is “part of God’s plan,” she said. 

But the workshop won’t only be about how churches have fallen short in addressing the issue, she said. 

“We don’t want to focus only on the ways we have failed victims of domestic abuse,” she said. “We want to offer roads to hope and healing, to providing safety and security for victims.”

This includes helping clergy and others understand safety of the victim is the top priority, to never do anything without consulting the victim and to avoid the temptation of seeing the issue as a marital conflict that can be fixed through couples counselling. 

If the abuser is involved without the victim’s consent, it can “put the victim at higher risk of harm,” Friesen said.

Clergy also need to know when situations are beyond their expertise and others need to be involved, she added.

Churches “can be good places to provide refuge for people experiencing domestic abuse,” she said.

“We haven’t always done well in the past, but we can change and do better.”

For more information and to register, call 204-925-1917 or visit abuseresponseandprevention.ca/events.

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