Doc’s educational approach not riveting

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Well, he’s back again — the biggest male chauvinist pig in our industry. He’s been re-hired, and he’s going to be working next to me. The guy is in his late 40s now, and the weird thing is, he actually can curb his sexist crap — when he wants to.

My question? How can I get him to stop drooling over me? I’m a woman in my early 20s and young enough to be his daughter. I know he wants me sexually. Should I remind him of his age, or maybe just lie and tell him I’m not into men?

— Need Peace, Winnipeg

Dear Need Peace: Never mind the lesbian lie. Here’s a good passion-killing line to use: “You really remind me of my father! You’re his age, you look like him and you act like him, too.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I just got married — a great wedding in an old church. Then there was the big dinner — and an unexpected “after show” at the reception, starring our crazy parents.

Both sets of our parents are divorced, and two of them have married new mates. That left my single mother and my wife’s single father, who were not bringing dates. So, we parked my mom and my bride’s dad together, at a big table for eight, hoping they’d be able to get along.

Oh boy, did they ever — like a house on fire! What a party pair. Soon they were hardly paying any attention to anyone but each other, and they were busy getting into the champagne together. At major toasting time, both our sozzled parents got up and proposed toasts to the bride and groom — but they were clearly fixated on one another. There were some raised eyebrows over that.

We were more than eager to bid adieu to the crowd and leave for our month-long honeymoon at a faraway beach resort. But the very next day,

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I just got back together after a colossal fight. I had already returned the little sapphire necklace I bought to give her as a surprise on Valentine’s Day.

She shocked me by apologizing yesterday — lots of tears and begging. I’m a sucker for tears, so we made up perhaps too soon. I woke up this morning, still riding on waves of discontent and feeling kind of sick to my stomach. I really don’t want to give her any kind of ring this Valentine’s Day. Money is not the issue. I’m a songwriter, but I also have a trade and a full-time day job.

Jealousy is really the problem. I found out my girl’s ex-boyfriend has been circling around like a shark, and telling her close friends he wants another chance. I’d like to stick my fist down his throat! I’m not 100 per cent sure I want to be with this woman forever, but I don’t want that jerk to get her.

— So Mixed Up, Fort Richmond

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Recently, I got down on bended knee and gave my girlfriend an engagement ring as a total surprise.

It was a beautiful diamond in a style I’ve seen her admire on other women’s fingers, so I knew she would love it.

She wore it for a week steady, but oddly, she didn’t show it around much — not even to her family and friends. Then she shocked me by saying that she wasn’t sure about getting married. She said it didn’t work the last time she tried it. She apologized and gave me the ring back.

What? I’m not a man who cries, but I was shocked and broke down bawling. Through my tears I told her that I thought she loved me and asked her if that was true.