Blown proposal deadline likely points to divergent paths

Opinion

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This article was published 12/09/2022 (1104 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I told my boyfriend of three years (and one year living together) that if he didn’t ask me to marry him by Sept. 1 of this year, that was it. That day came and went and I thought he’d just forgotten, so I reminded him. He just grunted and kept watching TV. So now what?

I never thought it’d end this way, as we got along like two peas in a pod. I haven’t packed my bags, but I have already checked with my best friend, who still has an extra bedroom. I used to live there before I moved in with this loser! OK, he’s not a loser, but he has everything he ever wanted in a woman — me! — and he didn’t have to provide anything big like a ring to enjoy it. Now what?

— Hurting and Fed Up, St. Vital

Dear Hurting and Fed Up: Regretfully — not in a nasty way — start packing to move out. Tell him marriage and a family is something you really want in your life, and if he doesn’t want that with you, then you need to get over him and find somebody else. Don’t pack up and leave when he’s not home, just to give him a shock when he comes home.

Just get your big boxes and start packing, regretfully but steadily, in front of him. He may think you’re doing that to shake him up, and he may be right. He needs to realize what he’s losing.

If it doesn’t shake him up, finish that packing and keep going. You may not be the final one for him, and you don’t want to waste another year of your own life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend has a very old female dog named Grandma, who hates me. She especially hates it if I stay over. She has to literally be shoved out of his bedroom to get her to leave, as she isn’t allowed to sleep at the bottom of his bed like she usually does. I think I should be more important than his old dog, don’t you? I don’t hate dogs, but they have their place, and it isn’t in the master bedroom!

— His New Lady, Birds Hill

Dear New Lady: If you are only there on a weekend night, then Grandma the pooch should be kept out of the bedroom when you want to have romantic times. However, if you’re considering living together, you and your new boyfriend need to talk right away.

Lots of couples have dogs, cats and children in and out of their bedrooms at night. They put them out when they want to be intimate and then re-open the door for the rest of the night. This may not be your style, but if it’s your new man’s way, you need to know right now.

It’s doubtful he’ll be ditching Grandma for you. And after she dies, there will be other dogs in his life. You have every right to insist on no other female humans, but doggy deprivation for a canine lover? Not going to happen!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On my last day at the beach for the year, I ran into a woman I knew from an earlier life. I didn’t recognize her from behind as we both looked out into a big sunset. For one thing, her curls used to be bright red and she used to be skinny. This woman had curly grey hair and a curvy body, but she seemed so familiar — even in the way she stood with her hands shielding her eyes.

It wasn’t until a couple of gulls started fighting over some garbage on the beach and she laughed out loud, that I knew who she was. I called out her name, and she turned around and smiled. Game over! We sat down on the beach and chatted about everything — almost.

I didn’t want to know she belonged to someone. I guess she didn’t want to ask me either. Neither of us were wearing any rings. I asked her if she’d be by the beach the next day and she said, “Yes, in the late afternoon.”

I was there from 2 p.m. until after supper time, but she didn’t return. Now what?

— Disappointed Former Love, North Kildonan

Dear Disappointed: Now’s the time you do the research to find out if she’s with someone — male, female, married or otherwise. Obviously, she still liked you, so she gave you a time to meet the next day — though it was kind of fuzzy. Perhaps she didn’t pin it right down, as she didn’t know if she could come, or if she even wanted to see you again.

Think back to when you broke up, and why. Also, phone an old friend who might still know her now, and be honest about why you’re calling. People like to set the record straight, if they know the score. If they don’t, some friends will even ask around for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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